In reality, I knew this would probably happen. I knew life would get in the way. But thankfully this time, it wasn't the bad kind of life.
Let's also remember this. A little more than a year ago, I was put in the hospital to get my port, which started my 141 days with no food, surgery prep, and a brand new blog to keep you guys updated. A LOT has happened since then, but I'm not going to focus on that. First, I am going to give you a quick update. Then I am going to talk about that important thing I mentioned in my last blog post. It's important, and I want everyone to read it. It may just give you hope to get through that tough time you might be going through.
Soo...honestly not much has happened health-wise, which is actually a huge relief. First, I had my MRI on December 1st. And let me tell you...I've never been so sick after a procedure in my life (and that's saying something). Basically they put you to sleep and inject a ton of contrast into your veins and digestive system and let it run it's course. They put you to sleep because they can treat you easily for nausea and upset stomach if you are out like a light. Had I been awake...not much of that contrast would have stayed in my system. I woke up after and could not stop throwing up, so they had to keep giving me drugs to keep me from getting too dehydrated. I ended up having to go to the OR recovery room because the MRI center closed at 4, and I was still too sick to go home. Thank goodness for my grandparents because I would have never gotten through that alone. A couple weeks later, I had an appointment with my Gainesville doctor, and she was highly impressed. She said there was evidence of some abdominal adhesions, but otherwise was clear and showed no abnormal findings. An adhesion is an abnormal union of membranous surfaces due to inflammation or injury. Thankfully the inflammation is gone, so more than likely, this is from my scars. Adhesions can be reversed though, so I started going to a physical therapist for abdominal wall adhesions. I'm gonna be honest. It isn't pleasant. It involves a lot of massaging and exercises to strengthen my core, which is very much lacking in tone. They even figured out that I have a leftover surgical clip where my original scar were from my surgery 12 years ago. Basically that is a very tiny clip that they put in during surgery. They usually put in about 30 to 40 clips depending on the type of surgery. They are supposed to dissolve after a while, but one of mine is very clearly under my scar and my therapist thinks it's there because it is attached to the adhesion. Other than this, I started my medication for my osteoporosis, which is just a shot in the arm every six weeks.
Besides that I:
1. Celebrated all the holidays
2. Got a kitty for Christmas. His name is Oliver, and he is the sweetest and most cuddly kitty ever.
3. Went to see Les Miz and The School of Rock in Charlotte
4. Visited family in PA
5. Watched the Gamecocks win their bowl game on New Year's Day
6. Saw The Greatest Showman in theaters 3 times because it is that good
7. Volunteered at Night to Shine. This is the Tim Tebow Foundation prom for individuals with disabilities. This happens all over the world, all on one night! I worked the red carpet and got to usher in so many wonderful and excited individuals of all ages for a night of dancing and so much fun. I got to dress up and then witness every single individual guest get crowned king or queen.
8. Played with brains. I am in neuroscience this semester, so I get to hold an actual brain so that I can learn each section.
9. Watched the Eagles win the Super Bowl, which was a huge moment for my family because they are HUGE Eagles fans.
10. KILLED IT at the gym each and every day I go.
11. Went to a friend's wedding in Tennessee and got to celebrate with all my favorite Gamma Phi sisters.
12. Dressed up as dominoes for Halloween with my entire 52-person OT class.
13. Had a circus extravaganza cookout to watch The Greatest Showman once it was on DVD. 20 friends came to my place, my friend's husband cooked hotdogs and hamburgers, and we watched the movie. I even had the colors planned out, food was on point (peanuts, cookies, soft pretzels, popcorn, icees, etc. pretty much all the circus faves), and frozen daiquiris were made for everyone to enjoy.
14. Had a sleepover with my best friend, which is the first time in years because she was in Africa. We even gifted each other PJs for Christmas! Llamas and sock monkey PJs for the win.
15. Removed a brain from a cadaver. And yes it was as crazy as it sounds.
16. Went to Disney World with my college roommate, Rachel, and a college friend, Taylor. Taylor was moving from Jacksonville to Boston, so Rachel and I joined her for a day of fun. I got to meet almost all the princesses that are at Disney!
17. Went to so many Taco Tuesdays.
18. Watched some friends graduate from PT school. So bittersweet.
**All of the above are in no particular order :)
Now on to the more important stuff.
The question I get asked the most is, "How do you deal with everything you have to go through, especially because you are so young?"
It's a complex answer to say the least, but it's also easy for me to answer.
I deal with it because I have to.
That might seem like a vague answer to most of you, but just think about it for a minute.
I was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease at 12 years old. Of course I remember the time before I was officially diagnosed, but something was always off from everyone else even before I was diagnosed. I've lived 14 years of my life with a diagnosis. It seems daunting at first to think about this chunk of my life, but I have dealt with it.
I've dealt with it because I have to.
It's my life. I've had to adapt. I've had to change my habits. I've had to become essentially a new person almost every year.
I've done all this because I have to.
But I have to because I want my life to be as normal as possible, and I am not going to sit around and watch everyone else live life while I do nothing about making mine better.
I am a perfectionist at heart. I like for things to be perfect, even my health. But I no longer force things. What flows, flows. What crashes, crashes. I only have the time and space and energy for things that are meant for me.
And when I finally realized this, this hit in the head, aha, awakening moment, life got better for me. I learned how to be me again, and I learned how to deal with it.
Listen to me when I say this. Things did NOT happen overnight for me. I have had 14 years to figure out how to deal with this, and I still know for a fact that I don't have it all figured out. I used to be so jealous of the people who seemed to have the perfect life. I used to sit and ponder how I was supposed to ever get a life like that with my circumstances. But then I realized that no one's life is perfect. Everyone has something they are dealing with. No circumstance is worse or better than mine. It's just a circumstance they have to deal with. And if their life still looks perfect on the outside, I sure bet mine looks just as perfect too.
Dealing with a chronic illness isn't easy by any means. A friend of mine was recently diagnosed with ulcerative colitis, which is under the same category as Crohn's. It was tough for me at first to listen to her and try to give her advice because I was internalizing a lot of it and reliving so much of my past. Reliving a past that I was not a huge fan of. But then I realized something. I wasn't really reliving those moments because of her, I was reliving them because I was jealous. I was jealous that I didn't have someone like she did. She had someone her age. Someone very similar to her. Someone with the same goals as her. I realized I wanted someone like me that could give advice when I needed it most.
And then I realized I did have that person. She may not be as experienced as me with a brand new diagnosis, but it's her circumstance that she has to deal with. She is the person I can pretty much share anything with, and I'm so happy to have finally made a friend like that. Of course I have my best friends from home and college that I tell everything to, but this is on an even deeper level.
And that brings me to my next point. The people you surround yourself with are vital in your healing process, whatever your circumstance may be. I would not be anywhere close to where I am today if it wasn't for the people I have surrounded myself with. Every single person I have come in contact with over the last 14 years has helped in some way. They've been there for me when I needed it most, but more importantly, they've been there for me when I didn't know I needed it. It would take me years to thank every single one of those people, but if you are reading this, you are most likely one of them. You pulled this blog up because you care about me and my well-being, even if we aren't in contact with each other anymore.
I want to encourage you all to watch the Ted Talks video on youtube by Drew Dudley called "Leading with Lollipops". I watched this years ago, but it never really had any meaning until the past year. I think everyone can relate to that video in some way, and I encourage you to reach out to your person in some way, even if you haven't spoken in ages. They need to know what a difference they have made in your life. They deserve to know you think so highly of them. My lollipop moments happen all the time, but I am more likely to tell those people now, after watching that video.
Every single person is living a life you will never know about. I have a silent and non-visual disease. People meet me and have no idea I have Crohn's. But because everyone has their own circumstances, everyone you meet deserves the same kindness you'd give your best friend. You never know how that might affect their day. They could have been going through the worst day of their lives, but your simple hello, wave, or even smile, could change their day drastically. I've had so many people I have never met and will probably never meet again smile at me on a bad day, and it has changed the day around. Be that day-changing person.
Just remember, one bad chapter of your life doesn't mean your whole story is over. I've had plenty of bad chapters, most of which you have lived with me. But I'm not going to let that determine my future. I'm not going to let it negatively affect me. If it affects me, it affects everyone. And everyone is already dealing with their circumstance, why should they have to deal with mine. They should support the people around them, yes, but they should also focus on themselves.
My self-confidence has come leaps and bounds from where it was when I was 12, and it will change until the day I take my last breath. But the fact that I can have self-confidence with everything I have gone through, means that anyone and everyone can get that self-confidence. Everyone has the ability to learn from their circumstance and realize it doesn't dictate their life. It's only a chapter of the book you call life. And one day, you may even appreciate that experience like I do with mine.
I deal with these moments because I have to, just like you have to live with yours. But you bet I am so proud of myself for those moments. I am proud of those surgeries. I am proud of those self-pity moments. I am proud of those around me. I am proud of me. And that's what matters most. I never would have been able to say that 14 years ago, let alone one year ago. And because I can deal with it, I feel better prepared to go into the world and be who I am EVERY SINGLE DAY.
Please feel free to share this blog. I want someone to see it that may need to read it. It may not resonate now, but it could make a big difference one day when they least expect it.
No one tells you when you are young, but the key to success is resilience. Showing up even when it's hard. #spoileralert
Oh yeah and guess what...It's been one whole year since my surgery. So happy surgery day to me! Look at me now :)
XOXO, Kayleigh
